There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
