everyone is single if you try hard enough
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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