shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
