I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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