I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
