I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
