Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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