i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
