So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
