Yo dont text me then not text me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
