ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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