You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
