i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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