She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
