College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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