mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
