what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
