she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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