i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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