Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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