everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There are leaves in my underwear?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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