dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
