Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
