one two three fourrrrnication!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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