Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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