you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
