I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
