i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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