I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
