If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
