Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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