dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
