no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
