I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
