You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
