Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
