Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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