none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
