Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
