I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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