At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
