she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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