Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
