I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
