it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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