i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
