He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
