that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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