so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
