What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
