We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
