here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
