OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
