clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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