i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
