I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
